Just a thought

Just a song with what I’m feeling

The one part that gets me, is the mom who holds up “Gave up my career to be a mom.” I don’t think a lot of people know what it’s like to want to give up everything for a family.

Chicken Bones

UUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Okay, so we all know you’re never supposed to give a dog chicken bones. This is common knowledge and no one in their right mind would ever do it… WELL, I guess I should have also remembered that my dog can jump the baby gates and will climb on whatever is near so he can get what he wants. In this case, chicken.

Tab spent the night last night (and tonight) after she and I went out together. We took a cab to a karaoke bar and had some fun. Well anyway, tonight, Juan went to work and she and I were stuck with nothing to do. Still a bit hungover we agreed to go to Blockbuster. We were almost there when I realized I didn’t put Bubba in his cage. He was in the game room, but he gets into the trash if he’s left out. I figured, meh, I can clean up the trash…

I get home and he’s in the game room, oh well maybe he was good…. WRONG! I turn the corner and there is my precious little puppy with a chicken breast bigger than her face in her mouth. I took it and stuck her back in the game room. I took a look around and ALL the chicken was gone. That damn dog ate 4 pieces of chicken. So I checked the internet and am watching them closely. Checking poop is going to be fun. UGH. I made them some chicken flavored rice to eat instead of their food, I read that it helps the bones pass. But this is going to drive me crazy. I hate thinking that something could go bad.

Bubba has eaten bones before. We’ve never had a problem. No, we have never given them to him, but like I said he gets in the trash. The fact that he ate at least 4 pieces (I really don’t think Roxy ate any) has me a little on edge. Damn dog.

Well I’m off to bed. Juan’s playing video games again, and I don’t think he’s going to stop… Night!

Holy Crap it’s midnight!

So I wanted to give a quick update on me. πŸ™‚ Hey you’re reading my blog, of course I’m going to talk about me…

I gave the un-pregnancy memo to CS1 today. He’s going to run that to admin so that I can go talk to a detailer. Medical of course has been a pain in the ass. Ah well. I’m glad I know people who have been here before so I know what steps to take medically. Because OBVIOUSLY, the “medical professionals” at the medical branch clinic don’t know how to do their freaking job. I mean seriously,Β GoogleΒ it or something! Ugh.

My widdle Roxy-pup… I took her (and the Bubs of course!) to the dog park yesterday. At first she was loving all the new attention, she was playing with the other dogs and then… EVIL CURLY HAIRED DEMONS!!! A poodle tried to eat her. 😦 After that, she would not leave my side and would whimper if I tried to leave her on the ground for too long. She’s very obviously my dog and not Juan’s. πŸ˜› She won’t do anything he says, but I have taught her some basic commands. πŸ™‚

Loneliness. It seems that with my husband’s schedule, I am constantly alone. It sucks. Really. I go to work in the morning, get off and he’s sleeping. He wakes up, gets ready for work and leaves. I go to bed. He gets off of work (2AM) and goes to bed around 5. I wake up at 6. This is every day. I hate it! I tried telling him he should go to bed when he gets home so we can hang out a little bit when I get off and before he goes in, but he doesn’t listen! I’m really lonely all the time! And ever since loosing the baby, I need him!

Oh, yea. I finally stopped bleeding. I am going to start swimming again Monday morning. As long as I’m at TPU, I’m going to go to the morning sessions on 32nd street. It’s 5-7 so I’m gonna see if listening to music helps me swim longer. I love swimming, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like running only worse. SOOOOO QUIET! At least with running, you can always watch tv, listen to music and even read books if you’re walking. But now, I have my stuff. My hair won’t get wet, my eyes won’t burn and I won’t be in silence. πŸ™‚

Yea I was bored. Sue me. Wait, don’t. I’m broke.

Off to bed. πŸ™‚

Late night ramblings

Movies. They can make you laugh, cry or scare the living shit out of you… I love movies. If I could stay home all day and watch a new movie all the time, I would. I would live at the theatre if Juan let me. But I don’t think he will. Nor will his boss. LOL. Ah well. So for now, I’ll stick with Blockbuster online. That reminds me, I should really take back those movies… I love unlimited instore rentals! I get one in the mail and I’ll watch it and take it to the store for a new movie. And when I’m done, the store updates the site and my new one is shipped out the next day! So it’s only 2 days between movies. Love it!

BTW Funny or Die is pretty funny. LOL. πŸ™‚ Watch it on HBO. I like Big Love from HBO too…

I should sleep now…

My Emotions

Part 1

Part 2

Lost

After only knowing I was pregnant for 12 days, I lost my little pumpkin seed. Right now I’m just numb. I don’t feel anything but will spontaneously cry. My poor husband doesn’t know what to do or say. I wish I could tell him what he could do to make it better but the truth is I don’t know what could make it better. I never thought that I could love something so much after only 12 days. The last 5 days have been an emotional roller-coaster that I thought would all be worth it in the end. But obviously it wasn’t. I just know that all I’ve ever wanted was a family. I know it will eventually happen, but when? It just isn’t fair, ya know? Why is it that people who don’t want kids, or can’t handle them, have kids? Why are they more worthy than I? It doesn’t make sense! And why do some women have to have such a hard time getting pregnant and others just stop using birth control and POOF! What about the ones whose BC fails them. THEY DIDN’T EVEN WANT A KID! Why? I know that God has a plan and everything in his time and all those other cliches that everyone tries to tell me. I just want to know WHY.

Trying again– We’re not exactly sure when we’ll start again. I know it’s not going to be long, but we are going to give ourselves some time. We both know that miscarriage is part of the trying process. We know that this loss hurts but we can’t be scared to try again.

If you’ve been trying to call, I’m sorry but we’re not answering the phones. We’re just going to be together today.

6 weeks 2 days

I called the clinic this morning, and my numbers are up! They aren’t up by much but I’m going to make an ultrasound appointment to confirm that everything is ok. πŸ™‚ I’m so happy! Me and Juan walked around the baby section in Target and found some cute stuff. We were going to only register at BRU, but I might rethink that. Oh and get this, he’s actually talking ME into regular cloth diapers. He said he’d rather wash the diapers than have to rip, drop and swish. LOL. Either way, I want something that will leave the smallest carbon footprint possible, so if he wants to go cloth, maybe he’ll wash the diapers…. πŸ™‚

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