“But he just doesn’t get it!”

Over the past few days I’ve seen things like this on my TTC boards:

“In his mind its just as mentally tough on him as at it me, nope!”

“But, how do I tell him that he can’t possibly understand how I feel having to actually, physically, go through with this TTC process?!”

You can absolutely be wrong about this. I hate when women act like they’re all alone in this journey. You’re not! Your husband has been there, and even though he may say stupid things “why do I have to quit drinking, people get pregnant while their drunk all the time!” (actual words) and he may not react to bad news like us, he’s been there. Do you actually believe someone who is supposed to be your best friend isn’t feeling the pain and pressure of ttc?

He’s been there for the repeat negative HPTs. So his response was “well maybe next time,” so what? He’s a MAN he doesn’t express himself like we do. You can’t expect him to get upset every month.

He’s been there for the miscarriages. So he didn’t cry, get over it! He’s not going to cry about everything. Even losing a baby. He’s been brought up to bury everything. It may not be in the front of his mind like it is for you, but he misses that baby just as much as you do. Case in point, I wanted to throw away the baby book I bought for our last pregnancy today. Juan didn’t let me. You think that’s a man who doesn’t care? He doesn’t cry about it like I do, but when he does open up about it, I can feel the pain he’s been hiding.

He’s been there for the testing. So he’s only gotten an SA and blood test while you gave a million vials of blood and had a painful HSG. To him, that SA was just as bad as your HSG. It’s a shot at his virility, his ego, that’s painful for a man. Something that needs to be realized is that no man wants to be told his swimmers aren’t working. You think the anxiety didn’t get to him beforehand? You think he didn’t hold his breath until the results came in?

He’s been there for the drugs. He doesn’t get drugs, fine. I’ll give you that. But really, he is there for you.

He’s been there for the scheduled sex. No man can say that he enjoys being told when and where to make love to his wife. He is being asked to perform like a trained monkey and you think he hasn’t noticed? He has, and the one thing that has brought him joy since he found out it’s use, is no longer fun. You think timed intercourse is good for your bond?

Give the man a chance. You can’t go through this believing you’re doing so much more than him. That’s the stuff that will weaken your bond. That’s why TTC is hard on a marriage. This isn’t a contest of who’s doing more, who’s hurting more. You’re in this TOGETHER. My advice to you: destress. Go somewhere with your husband to remind EACHOTHER, that you made a covenant to eachother.

You didn’t make a vow to have babies. You did, however, make a vow to take eachother for better or for worse. We should all remember that part of our vows before we allow ourselves to believe that a baby is more important than the state of our marriage.

For me, it took finding my savior to realize that the man that I’ve vowed to spend my life with was slowly becoming my scapegoat. He was the one I turned on if I got another negative test. It wasn’t fair to him, it wasn’t fair to us. I’ve learned to leave it up to God, to just get back to basics with my husband. I’ve damaged our marriage for far too long and I regret letting it go this long.

Oops

So like I said it’s been super hard to keep up since I don’t have my lap top anymore. We might buy a new one, but I’m thinking about waiting to get a 2nd generation iPad…
Anyways, my weeks have been uneventful. Me and Juan have been doing our best to make sure we don’t miss ovulation if you know what I mean.
I’ve totally gone back into crazy person TTC mode. Poor guy doesn’t know what to do! But my OPK’s are definitely positive today so I should ovulate in the next few days. It’s just so late in my cycle, I hope I have a normal luteal phase so that I’m able to support a pregnancy! Tomorrow I switch to prenatals and I’ll be getting some baby aspirin to take as well. I hope it doesn’t take as long to get pregnant again!
I have started attending church again. Last week I went alone, but this week I’ll be going with Juan. He’s never gone to a non-denominational church before, I just hope he doesn’t get too scared! 🙂

Dang!

I started working until 3 again, and my laptop died so it’s been harder to keep up. I’m going to just post a link to my chart, so you can keep up there. 🙂 I’ll be updating sometime this week. 🙂

My Chart

Updates

So yesterday I took the dogs to dog beach. Bad idea. LOL, I should only take one dog anywhere at a time. Bubba doesn’t listen to me and Roxy is still pretty unpredictable. If I am not holding her, she tries to get other people to pick her up. But I need her to learn to be a dog not a baby. BLAH.

In other news, I’m back to researching some more things that I want to implement in my parenting plans. I was already pro-attachment parenting, but I’m finding some really good information! Like how unlike animals we don’t stay pregnant until our baby is ready for the world. Ever see a giraffe come out and be helpless? Nope. A lot of it makes perfect sense. I’m just hoping that when Juan and I follow through with our parenting plan, we don’t have to deal with too many people trying to make us do it their way.

Gotta update the blog. So I’m backdating it a couple days. Just an FYI, I’m taking a multi-vitamin and basically treating my body as if I’m already pregnant. Except for the once in a blue moon drinking. But I only drink before O. 🙂

Cycle day: 3 (3/27)
Cycle: 1 (After MC)
Temp: 97.27
CM: AF/medium-heavy
Mood: Normal
Energy: Normal
Stress: Low
BD: No
Notes: none

Cycle day: 2 (3/26)
Cycle: 1 (After MC)
Temp: 97.27
CM: AF/low-medium
Mood: Normal
Energy: Normal
Stress: Low
BD: No
Notes: Not a full nights sleep

Cycle day: 4 (3/28)
Cycle: 1 (After MC)
Temp: 97.20
CM: AF/light
Mood: Normal
Energy: Normal
Stress: Low
BD: No
Notes: none

So now you know. 🙂

Back To School

The school of TTC that is. Bleh. Ah well here goes.

Cycle day: 1
Cycle: 1 (After MC)
Temp: 96.93
CM: AF/light
Mood: Normal
Energy: Normal
Stress: Low
BD: No.

If you have the link to my FF chart, it’s updated with today’s info. 🙂

Business of Being Born

If you haven’t seen this documentary yet, and you are or will ever become pregnant, you should. It’s a huge eye opener. Raise your hand if this sounds like you:

  • Head to the hospital with contractions.
  • You get an epidural (for whatever reason)
  • The doctor says you’re not progressing, time for some intervention. Pitocin anyone?
  • Well the Pit is working, but it’s making contractions that are too strong for your body, time for more epidural
  • You’ve slowed down again, time for more pit.
  • Well, now you’re having strong contractions, but you can’t feel them. Guess who can? That’s right, the baby. Every contraction is compressing her and her heart rate is dropping.
  • After a few more interventions to rescue your lil one, nothing is bringing her out. It’s time for an emergency C-Section. Hurray! The doctor is the knight in shining armor. (wait…)

From talking to my friends, I know that a lot of people end up this way. The doctors play the “it’s best for the baby” card and of course you take the expert advice. What kind of mother would you be if you allowed yourself to get an infection after 24 hours (another fallacy) What kind of mom would labor for hours on end when the doc is telling you it’s damaging? The kind of mom who hasn’t been given all the facts. Hospitals are supposed to disclose every procedure and they don’t. So you go to a hospital with a plan, and they throw it out the window. It’s crazy.

Induction, well when people get induced it’s for various reasons. If it’s your decision, that’s your prerogative. BUT doctor’s who induce because you’re “overdue” should be giving you all the facts. Truth of the matter is pregnancy is not an exact science. They tell you how far along you are based on this dated pregnancy wheel. They go off of your last menstrual period and that’s not always the best indicator. If you have a perfect 28 day cycle and you are absolutely SURE you had a normal period, then yes, this wheel is accurate. But no woman is perfect. I know my cycle is never just 28 days. It’s 29 then 25 then 32 then 27 etc. That wheel said that I was 4 weeks when I knew what my ovulation date was. My O date put me at 5 weeks. So basically for me (with a shorter cycle than most) I would have probably had a baby a week before they thought I would. Same goes for girls with longer cycles. They’re inducing women who are “a week late” when really she could very well be on schedule.

I’m not saying there aren’t women who develop complications. Maybe if we as women can step back, trust our bodies, and get all the facts we can be freed from the BS that doctor’s feed us. Did you know we have the highest maternal death rate in the developed world? Did you know that in the developed world we also stand alone when it comes to using an obstetrician?  An Obstetrician is a SURGEON and a PATHOLOGIST. So most have never seen a normal birth. By normal I mean no interventions. Doctors aren’t supposed to be delivering babies. Period. They’re supposed to be there for the small percentage of women who develop complications. Everywhere else in the world nurse midwives do births. Doctors see pathology when there isn’t any, case in point, I was watching the documentary and one doctor was naming reasons not to use a midwife. Every reason had to do with what COULD go wrong. Things could go wrong with everything. But guess what’s the most risky? Major surgery. Oh yea, c-sections are MAJOR surgery that can cause more harm than good.

Get the facts ladies. I’m not saying go totally granola, but make sure you’re making informed decisions about yourself. No one cares about you more than you. 🙂